Sometimes you get what you want…. But do you really want it anymore ?

This last 6 months has been a roller coaster of emotions with confusion of needs and wants. There were events (which will be discussed at a later date) that lead up to me feeling claustrophobic, unhappy and frustrated with who I was and where I was in life. So I did the only thing I knew to do… run away! Run away and start again. Well at least for a couple months. I had always wanted to move to Europe since I was 16,so I thought why not now? Why not get a break from my situation? Clear my head? Clear my heart? Open up room for clarity, change and strength. I knew that I had to be by myself, be alone to be able to deal with the feelings I was wrestling and avoiding to ever have a glimmer of hope of moving forward.
Fast forward and here I am in Valencia Spain… in a short term leased apartment with my cats – yes I dragged my feline soulmates across the world with me! And am I happy? Fuck no! I’m absolutely miserable! Literally like the beginning of every inspirational film that turns out well (I hope?) I’m fucking miserable! Being alone is hard af. And I hate it. All I have are my circular thoughts and intense emotions to contend with. And I am not fun! I can’t get away from myself. And there lies the problem.
I miss my home, not so much the location or place just the comfort of the familiar, I miss my friends, I miss my boyfriend- who recently broke up with me. I get sad thinking of the smallest things that make me feel nostalgic.
So I wanted this right? I needed this… I couldn’t think of anything else I really wanted and needed to do.. and here I am doing it. Miserable, scared and hoping I made the right choice. We shall see…. Only time, a lot of vino tinto and courage will tell.